Hey, Jezebel? Lose the judgement.

Last week, I wrote an article on Policy Mic about the selfie as a tool of self-confidence. As someone who has struggled greatly with weight, body image, and self confidence, I use the selfie for my own self-empowerment. Slate published a great article earlier today about selfies being “tiny bursts of pride” for girls, which, while that isn’t quite the way I’d phrase it, I agree wholeheartedly.

Jezebel responded with an incredibly judgemental, hypocritical, and rude response. An excerpt:

But the typical selfie is not taken by women who have just completed Iron Man Triathlons or finally finished reading Infinite Jest (caption: Me N DFW 4 eva! XOXO #blessed #reading #smart #rip); selfies don’t typically contain job offer letters, successful grant applications, their face in front of a gorgeously rendered still life the woman drew by hand. They’re literally just pictures of a woman’s face not talking (grey-area exception: selfies where a person’s face is not the point of the picture. Some women I follow on Instagram, for example, post pictures of themselves wearing cool sunglasses or lipstick or hats, which I feel is not technically a selfie because the point of a pure selfie is “HERE’S MY FACE” and not “here’s a cool hat/lipstick shade/pair of sunglasses”).

Further, self-taken digital portraits are typically posted on social media, ostensibly with the intent of getting people to respond to them — that’s what social media is. In that respect, selfies aren’t expressions of pride, but rather calls for affirmation. In real life, walking up to a stranger, tilting your head downward at a 45-degree angle, duckfacing, pushing your tits together, and screaming “DO YOU THINK I’M PRETTY!” would be summon the authorities. On the internet, it’s just how people operate.

Wow. Uncalled for.

Yes – I will concede that we live in a society where girls feel they need validation from others to feel beautiful and therefore worthy. There are a number of things wrong with that. Which is why I praised the idea in my piece of a selfie forum that is designed only for positive feedback, instead of people writing ugly, hateful things. The messages we receive about our physical appearance should be encouraging ones that make us feel good.

However, I don’t really think a selfie is necessarily a reflection of that. It makes me feel good, take ownership of myself and what I look like. Yes – often I’m showing off my cute hairdo, or new earrings, or funny shirt. I’m not always wearing makeup, or doing a duckface, and I don’t think I’ve ever “pushed my tits together”. Sometimes I take a selfie, but most of the time I’m thinking about the things I need to do at work, the conversation I had with my mother, the interesting article I just read. Selfies are vain sometimes. Humans are vain sometimes. Get over it.

There is a huge amount of judgement being thrown out in this piece on how people choose to express themselves. Everyone has a different style. That shirt that you find wonderful at Target may not call out to me. Those boots are screaming my name, but you couldn’t care less – you’re over by the heels. Because that is your style. That is who you are. And how you dress or how you look externally has NO reflection on the content of your character. Why are only some selfies acceptable and others aren’t? How do YOU know that I’m not taking a selfie after I finished my first 5K with the book I just finished? (Both of which I have actually done.)

I can be a feminist, advocate for women’s equality and inner worth, and still care about the way I present myself. Caring at least a little about how I look to the rest of the world is not a bad thing.

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#selfie #nomakeup #feministselfie

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No, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth – just spreading the love!

It’s been a while since I posted in BTA, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been busy! My recent posts across the world wide interwebs can be found below:

PolicyMic

Fem 2.0

Buzzfeed

ICYMI: Super Awesome Illustrations of Pop Culture’s Best Female Characters as Saints

They also just so happen to be some of my favorite people ever to grace my screen. (via Spencer Stalberg (artist) and Flavorwire)

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Order Prints! (I want to order a mini version of all of them and create some weird shrine in my apartment)

Rape Culture: It’s not just an American thing.

Hong Kong’s Security Secretary’s response to a rise in reported rapes this past year (via): 

“Some of these cases…involved the victims being raped after drinking quite a lot of alcohol,” Hong Kong security secretary Lai Tung-kwok said on Tuesday during a press briefing, in describing this year’s jump in sexual violence. “So I would appeal that young ladies should not drink too much.”

WHAT THE WHAT WHAT?!?

Many people I have spoken to when I discuss rape culture dismiss it as a item only in popular culture; not something that exists in the government, or in any of our institutions. But this quote and the recent onslaught of scandals regarding rape in the military proves that is not the case. Politics, culture, society – they all intertwine constantly. Rape culture is real, it is global, and it is a problem.

 

Wonderful Thing of the Day: Amy Poehler interviews her hero

It’s no secret that I am a HUGE Fan of Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls Youtube Channel/Project. It emphasizes girls’ brains, diversity, and friendship over all else, and also Amy Poehler is the coolest person ever.

So watching her interview her idol Irma Kalish made my heart soar with Friday afternoon happiness, and I hope it does the same for you. Enjoy!

Nah brah, Anorexia isn’t sexy.

ImageFor those of you that know me even a little bit, you know that I went to American University and am damn proud of it. I love our motto of “Ideas into Action, Action into Service”; I chatter endlessly about my amazing experiences, wonderful friends I made, and the fact that AU has been ranked as the #1 most politically active campus in the nation.

I credit American for making me the passionate, outgoing, thoughtful person I am today. I volunteer at Alumni events, get really stoked when I meet fellow AU Alumni, and my sister, who is a Freshman at American now, constantly has to tell me to shut up already – the whole 9 yards.

So imagine my sadness, disgust, and disgrace when I saw this Op/Ed from The Eagle, American’s student paper, posted around Facebook:

Op/Ed: Mind what you’re wearing, not what they’re eating

Tell Phi Sigma Kappa to stop objectifying women

By Kendra Lee

I used to go to the gym to take my mind off of daily anxieties, until another gym patron unthinkingly and unexpectedly threw my anxieties right back in my face.

For the most part, the boys at Jacobs Fitness Center are perfectly pleasant, though their height and muscles and the fact that they’re usually in packs is pretty intimidating. Still, no one has ever gone out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. Or, no one had, before tonight.

Tonight there was a pack of “bros” all wearing their frat T-shirts, as per usual. As I was resting between sets of decline flyes, I spotted a shirt that said, on the front, “Please don’t feed the sorority girls.” And on the back, “Campus Beautification” and the Greek letters Phi Sigma Kappa. My empty stomach dropped. I unconsciously glanced at myself in the mirror and I fought the urge to cry.

I am a second-year law student here, and I am recovering from an eating disorder. It’s called EDNOS, which stands for “eating disorder not otherwise specified.” My behaviors and thoughts are consistent with anorexia, but I never lost enough weight, even at my worst, to “qualify” for the anorexia diagnosis. When the disorder at its worst, I would meticulously log each calorie – 5 calories balsamic vinegar, 17 calories egg white, 9 calories spinach – and then I would throw away half of the meal, so I was only eating half of the small number I was logging.

I avoided social functions, extracurricular activities, even class sometimes if I thought there would be food there. I didn’t work out because it made me so hungry I couldn’t control the urge to eat afterwards. What’s the point of burning 300 calories on the treadmill if I’m just going to go home and eat 400 because I’m starving? I might as well just stay at home and fast, again.

I’m recovering now. I still count my calories and eat less than I technically should. Every single day I struggle; I still feel like I don’t deserve to eat, like I should just control myself and stop. Every single day I have to tell myself that it’s OK to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I work hard to resist the urge to throw out all my food and lock myself in my apartment until I wither away. Weightlifting is something I look forward to, something to help me get out of bed and remind me to put some fuel in my body and make me feel OK about myself.

But now I don’t feel safe or wanted in the fitness center. I chose to go to AU because of its culture of public service and activism; a large student organization advocating the most lethal mental illness to girls for the sake of “campus beautification” is objectifying, misogynistic, even violent. It’s not as if it was just Imageone random guy in a gross shirt; someone in his fraternity came up with the shirt, and enough “bros” wanted it that the frat ordered it and stamped its letters on it and its members wear it to the gym. It’s indicative of an unsafe culture, where sorority sisters are worth little more than the cute donkeys and elephants dotting the campus. We’re just here for aesthetics, but only as long as we’re starving.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask that students try not to trigger their classmates’ eating disorders, especially at the fitness center. A dress code at the gym that includes a ban on offensive and potentially triggering items would be a great step. Other universities, including Harvard, Queens College, St. John’s College and Kalamazoo College, have designated a few hours each week where the gym is women-only, and that would be even better.

But for now, I only ask that my classmates be sensitive to the ways they present themselves, and how they make others feel. They may be driving more women away from the gym, which seems to be the opposite of their tasteless, insulting point.

Kendra Lee is a second-year student at the Washington College of Law.

First and foremost, I want to thank Kendra from the bottom of my heart for sharing her experience. As someone who lost a significant amount of weight through calorie counting and who is now trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle without going overboard, I can identify with her struggle. I am a foodie, and becoming a more adventurous eater, but still worry on a day to day basis about the calories I consume and what my waistline looks like. I struggle with it constantly.

This focus on our appearances isn’t healthy, or normal. Our culture’s obsession with what we look like is forcing us to think about things like clothing size or waist inches or keeping our calorie counts as low as possible, instead of, oh, I don’t know, world issues.

I am particularly disappointed in my Alma Mater for allowing a fraternity to make these t-shirts with the official seal of the Frat on them, although rumor has it they’re an old design and have been banned since – then why, may I ask, is a current student wearing the shirt and wearing it to a public place?, disappointed in the frat for associating anorexia and starvation with a beautiful campus, and disappointed in the gym for allowing him to enter the gym wearing that disgusting t-shirt.

If you ask me, this incident should prove that even at politically minded campuses where their focuses lie in international affairs, politics, and world issues; the message that thin is better is still alive and well. Let’s change that.